If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used. Alvin Kamara Saints Jersey .- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Thomas Morstead Womens Jersey . Bell Medias 12-year partnership with the Ottawa Senators includes five major components: - English-language regional television broadcast rights for TSN – a minimum of 52 regular season and pre-season games - French-language regional television broadcast rights for RDS – a minimum of 40 regular season and pre-season games - English-language broadcast rights for TSN Radio 1200 – all games - French-language radio broadcast rights – all games - Telecommunications and retail sponsorship and activation rights "We recognized early on that our regional broadcast rights coming up for renewal was a very important asset," said Senators owner Eugene Melnyk. Michael Thomas Jersey . -- Center Max Unger and tight end Zach Miller are both probable for the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday against the New York Giants and Percy Harvins recovery continues to be slow. http://www.authenticsaintssportsonline.com/saints-morten-andersen-gold-jersey/ . Wiggins, who had been seen as a contender for a podium finish in Paris, was one of about 20 riders caught near the back of the peloton with 38 kilometres to go in the 218-km flat stage from Le Mans to Chateauroux.Bell Medias TSN and RDS and the Formula One group announced today that they have reached a new multi-year partnership, which allows Canadas #1 English and French specialty networks to retain exclusive media rights to all Grand Prix races, across all platforms, through to 2019. This includes exclusive coverage of the FORMULA 1 GRAND PRIX DU CANADA – the most-watched motorsport event on Canadian soil. This is the second major rights deal announced by TSN and RDS today, as the Bell Media networks also confirmed a new, expanded partnership with the United States Golf Association for Canadian coverage of the U.S. OPEN. The announcement comes on the heels of this past weekends widely successful FORMULA 1 GRAND PRIX DU CANADA 2014 – where it was confirmed the popular race will remain at the Circuit Gilles-Villeneuve in Montréal for the next decade. With the new Formula 1 deal beginning next season, TSN and RDS will coontinue to broadcast all races, as well as qualifying and practice sessions and encore presentations. TreQuan Smith Womens Jersey. "We are very pleased to have renewed our long-standing partnership with RDS and TSN and I look forward to continuing to work with them to bring Formula 1 racing to fans across Canada," said Bernie Ecclestone, CEO, the Formula One group. "Formula 1 has an incredibly wide, loyal and passionate Canadian fan base, and we are thrilled to extend the wonderfully successful partnership we have had with the Formula 1 team for more than 20 years. This extension speaks volumes about the meaningful relationships we build with our partners and the world-class spotlight we shine on Formula 1," said Gerry Frappier, President of RDS. "This agreement also underscores our status as Canadas leading sports networks and bolsters our commitment to bring Canadians the most prestigious events in sports." ' ' '